Body Threats

One of the adventures that accompanies fertility treatments is weight gain. When I started my first IVF my doctor was rambling side effects of the treatment to me,...fatigue…mood swings…hot flashes…cramping…bla bla bla…20-30 lb weight gain… Ok he had my attention. He explained that this weight gain was due to the ridiculous amounts of hormones and steroids I would be injecting into my bottom. I like to think that he was telling me the truth but deep down I know that its probably because ice cream and baked good make way better comfort foods than veggies and lean meats. Bless his heart for letting us girls blame the meds.

I was more than willing to go along with the weight gain because there was a chance that I would have a little bundle of joy or two to show for it. Turns out I got the weight and nothing else to show for months of injecting those evil little vials into my now bigger bottom.

When we stopped the fertility treatments I had two things to fix – my crushed spirits and my bigger figure. I wasn’t sure what to do about the first, but I figured I could start on the second and lose the weight. As soon as I felt like I wasn’t going to collapse dead on the treadmill my feelings began to change.

The hatred I had toward my broken, unable to reproduce, body began to change. Everyday that I was able to exercise I was relieved that my body responded. Finally my body was doing something I wanted it to do. It was a feeling of control that I had lost a long time ago. In my screwy head I have this conversation with myself while at the gym-

Me: Well body, if you don’t want to cooperate and procreate than you can run.
My Body: I’m tired, my legs hurt, and I’m out of breath….
Me: Screw you! You’ve been in control long enough and you suck at it!

So when you see some chick running on the treadmill arguing with herself, let her be and don’t judge too harshly. That’s probably me trying take back possession of my broken, unable to reproduce, not-as-fat-as-it-used-to-be body.

These tunes seem to drown out my body's protest – a list of my favorite gym jams:
Ol’ Red, Blake Sheldon – Ticks, Brad Paisley – Firecracker, Josh Turner – Big Green Tractor, Jason Aldean – Size Matters, Joe Nichols – Country Man, Luke Bryan – Rockstar, Nickleback – Sideways, Dierks Bentley – Believers, Joe Nichols – Holler Back, Lost Trailers – Life is a Highway, Rascal Flatts – Nothin’ to Lose, Josh Turner